


Coitus Rudely Interruptus

by Anonymous



Series: Bad Bang III: The Series [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Bad Bang, Bodily Fluids, Deliberate Badfic, Epithet-a-palooza, M/M, Painful Sex, Rough Sex, Seme Levi, Special Guest Appearance by Batman!, Titan Eren Yeager, Too much information, Uke Eren Yeager
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2015-01-02
Packaged: 2018-03-04 21:19:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3090296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When you’re fucking a titan shifter, making him bleed is probably not a good idea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coitus Rudely Interruptus

Eren cried uke-ly as Levi thrust his steely-hard fleshblade past the turquoise-orbed cadet’s fluttering rosebud and into his dark Underground tunnel.

“Shut the fuck up, you shitty brat,” ordered the raven-haired mini-seme.

“But it HURTS, Heichou!!” the doll-faced titan shifter, lying on the cold, dirty, earthy ground somewhere in what used to be the Karanese District, bawled.

“Love hurts, brat,” Levi grunted as he continued to breach Eren’s southern gate. “They’ve even written songs about that, although we’re not supposed to remember any of them.”

“Do you really love me, Heichou?” the chestnut-haired adolescent whined, tears flowing like crystalline rivers down his olive-skinned face, with a trail of snot following in their direction like a forest stream made of frosted glass.

“Yeah, of course I do,” the fun-sized corporal lied.

Well, okay, it wasn’t a total lie. He loved how the aquamarine-eyed soldier would suck him off with a symphony of sloppy wet slurps that reached their crescendo just before he pulled out and basted Eren’s face with manlet chowder. He loved how the choleric Shiganshinan would dress up in a tiny polka-dot miniskirt and bend over for him in his office and let him bang him like a titan clapping two buildings together, although Eren had shown up the first time in high heels and Levi had made him take them off because otherwise he’d have had to stand on a crate in order to fuck him. He wasn’t entirely sure he loved how the malachite-peepered teenager would tongue his ass like it was his father’s basement and he was trying to pull deep, dark secrets out of it. That was kind of filthy and disgusting, even if it felt good. But anyway. He loved a lot of things about Eren. Also, ball gags took care of a lot of the things he didn’t love about Eren.

“It REALLY HURTS, Heichou!!” the emerald-irised trainee howled. “You’re tearing up my prostrate!”

“You mean ‘prostate,’ Eren,” Levi wheezed as he pounded harder into the back door of Humanity’s Last Hope. “‘Prostrate’ is how you’re going to be for a few days after I finish with you.”

“No, really, Heichou, I think you just tore someth—”

The last word was drowned out in a roar that nearly blew the vertically challenged captain’s eardrums out of his head. His boots left the ground, and his artfully arranged obsidian hair blew up messily around his face. He found himself clinging by his fingernails to the rank-smelling inner cleft of an enormous pair of buttocks, which flexed powerfully as their owner ran.

“You fucking brat! You _transformed_ while I was fucking you?! I’m going to knock out all the rest of your fucking teeth, I swear to fucking God.”

The words were muffled in the Rogue Titan’s massive ass crack, but the huge disgusting creature understood them well enough, because he bellowed back something at Levi. Something that most of humanity wouldn’t have understood but which, to the undersized lance corporal, very clearly translated as _fuck you._ The jet-tressed officerling wasn’t going anywhere soon, other than wherever his monstrous charge and sometimes-fucktoy was headed.

The air between a titan’s nether cheeks was not precisely spring-fresh, but Levi supposed that being compressed between them was better than just dangling in mid-air with his cock stuck in the flesh that had closed up around him. Why couldn’t whoever had created the titans given them proper assholes, anyway? Now he’d have to wait until Eren detransformed and his titan form sublimated. It’d be pretty embarrassing if someone else had to cut Eren out of the nape, and then Levi out of the ass. Word would get around. He had an image to uphold.

Suddenly there was a roar that wasn’t coming from Eren’s titan. Another Aberrant. _Shit._ Levi was going to be in the middle of this battle, and not as a combatant. He hoped the Rogue Titan’s fighting stances wouldn’t include a squat, because then the sawed-off squad leader would end up hanging by his dick from where the titan’s butthole should have been. That would hurt. A lot.

Luckily for him, that didn’t happen. What happened was miserable enough. Being pressed tightly between gigantic glutei protected Levi from any blunt trauma, even when the Aberrant knocked the Rogue Titan down. But he was still being thrown about while unable to see the horizon or any other points of reference. That, plus the foulness of the air he was breathing, nauseated the ebony-haired thuglet. After about thirty seconds of retching, Levi’s breakfast came up, coating his face, hair, and cravat with half-digested eggs and coffee. The sheer grossness of it, as well as now having to smell vomit along with titan ass musk, made him retch and gag even more until he was coughing up bile.

Before long, the verdant-eyed titan stopped lurching about and broke into another run. Evidently he'd left the Aberrant vanquished behind him. His minuscule commanding officer blinked the sting out of his slate-colored eyes. However, Eren came to another complete stop moments later, and Levi uttered a grunt of disgruntlement. “What the fuck is the matter _now?_ ” the lilliputian titan slayer snapped.

Instead of another vocalization in reply, he heard the snap of a branch. Then the splintered end of it was being shoved down right onto the top of Levi’s head. As the stick propelled him down and out from between the ginormous nates, his dick emerging from the sealed-up titan anus (titanus?) with a loud pop, Levi yelled a diverse assortment of creatively profane comments about his jade-eyed protégé’s intelligence, common sense, imminent death, and mother.

At least the celadon-irised eoten had had the consideration to poise his backside over a small pond, into which the wee NCO tumbled with a splash. The water washed all the vomit and titan buttpong off Levi instantly. On the minus side, he was completely drenched, and if he didn’t get onto dry land right fucking now his Gear was going to rust.

Just as he emerged from the pond, Eren’s titan body collapsed to the ground, hissing with steam. The object of Levi’s irritation popped up out of the nape, looking as completely fucked out and in dire need of a cigarette as he usually did. The pocket-sized malcontent hopped up onto the sublimating carcass and grabbed the kawaii anger management case by his soft, silky hair. “Oi. Brat. What the fuck was that bullshit with the stick?”

Eren blinked open his huge pine-colored eyes, which were surrounded at the moment by streaks of titan gore, and said, “I’m sorry, Heichou, but you were making my butt itch. I had to scratch it.” Then, suddenly, those foresty orbs were full of tears. “You… you… you said mean things about my MOTHER, Heichou. My mother is DEAD. I watched her DIE. How COULD you?!”

Levi stared at him in frosty disbelief for several seconds. Then he looked up into a nearby tree and made a “come here” gesture with his free hand. A man in a strange outfit swooped down from one of the upper branches. He wore a tight grey bodysuit with a shiny blue outer diaper, plus gloves and cape that matched the diaper. The hood of his cape had two stiff points on top.

“What do you have to say to Eren, Bruce?” the diminutive Survey Corps enforcer demanded.

The oddly clad stranger hauled back and slapped the shit out of Eren, yelling, “ _Both_ my parents are DEEAAAAAAD, you whiny little asshole!!”

Then Bruce flew away, presumably back to whatever weird-ass place outside the Walls he came from. Eren didn’t say another word for the rest of the day. As blessed as the silence was, it was so unusual for him that Levi, feeling awkwardly guilty about everything, took him out for ice cream in Trost, then bought him a family-sized tub of Preparation H.

_~fin~_


End file.
